見えない涙

currently blogging from Singapore National Eye Centre pharmacy. alot of stuff to work on...

heres the sky earlier this morning when i was on my way to my workplace

when i tell people i'm ok... i'm not....

i am missing the sounds of your cough

i am missing the times you asked me to bring you water and medicine

i am missing your voice

i am missing the times we spent together

i am missing the nags from you whenever I bought magazines from kinokuniya

i am missing the times you brush off dust and dirt from my shirt whenever you see time...

i am missing .... in this dark flat without you...

losing myself....

my dad's phone lost its light. just like a body without a soul.

the Nokia 6030 was given to my dad to be contactable when i was in NS, after i gotmy Nokia E51[which as stolen @ MMI].

Not long ago, the 6030, start to lost its backlight power, and after my dad pass away, the backlight was totally gone... it still works though, but u need to have light source to view what you are doing.

The strange thing countinues, my mum phone Nokia 6220[the old version, currently got some other design they also name it 6220]; the backlight is always the problem,blinking on and off, and the charging is very troublesome, as I will need to turn off the power before I can charge. NOW, its working fine, no more blinking backlight and charging problems. Maybe my dad did something.

--

Recently i got a 2nd hand N80 from the forums of HWZ, at a good price to replace my 7-11 nokia cheapo phone, which only advantage is torchlight function.

I named it Eriol 真剣。for main line

Lightning strap + Gothic Miku




the 7-11 phone is somewhere in Cambodia with my friend for volunteer work as a spare phone.


and here is my trusty companion[SE K750i] since 2006 for my "HOT line". i bought it before NDP 2006. the name is Eriol 式。

Beano Miku and School miku

For the past few days, all the photos of my skies are cloudy.

Its linked to my mood?

Anyway its Fathers' Day today, I hope all of you spend more time with your dad.

I went to Mandai Columbarium to pay respect to my dad, my paternal grandparents,
maternal grandparents, and my 2nd aunty and her husband.



Due to Fathers' day, the columbarium has a bit more visitors to pay respect to their loved ones.

My dad and I used to come to the columbarium when we were free to pay respect to my grandparents and relatives. Until this year Qing Ming, he was too sick to travelfar and walk that distance in. Its weird for me to visit the columbarium myself,
and one of the niches is his.

I never had thought that this day will come so soon. There are stil things I wanted to do, places i wanted to go with him, like the Zoo.

On my way to the columbarium, on board bus 138. I saw a few families bringing their kids to the zoo to celebrate fathers' day. We made me think, we have so little time together. I was always busy with school and projects. The only time we hangout together is when he wanted to get stuff for praying at Chinatown, Bishan or hospital with my mum.

If I would spent more time with him together....

A few days before he pass away, he told my mum this. : "He had grown up so much,found a job, I can finally rest, you have someone to rely on."

Is it a sign? He knows his going. Yet he doesn't want us to be worried and don'twant to spend his remaining days in the hospital.

DAD... I LOVE YOU.... can you hear me now?

its fathers' day tmr. I hope everyone have a fun time with your dad. don't need for presents, or meals. Just the 3 magic words will do.

You might find it weird, but if you really think of it. How many time did you thanked your loved ones?

What they wanted the 3 words, NOT YOUR EXPENSIVE GIFTS, or MEAL.

The 3 magic words are the best way to express your thanks to them. Don't regret. You will never know whens your last.

Cherish them, and make everyday for them is their MOTHERS' DAY or FATHERS' DAY.

Life is short. just think of how many more cycles of their current age can they go.

For me I am 23, I ask myself: "However many more 23 years do I have?", ONE or TWO,THREE if I'm lucky. 23 years of my life just flash before me, its so fast.

watched K-ON S2 ep 9 yesterday. Yes, i know i'm slow.. but cant be help.

I need to find something to distract myself from thinking too much..

i only lasted 1 episode of anime.

So I watch Tensai Doubutsuen instead, every interesting show. All of cute animals and entertaining.

Watched EVA 2.22, AKB48 special on Music Lovers, SCANDAL's special on Ongaku Baaaka.


and now watching miwa's Bokura no Ongaku..




i am sort-of back to my jpop trending... anime is so near quite so far away..

in other words i am losing interest in things i liked to do...

Rand smsed me for a shoot next week, but next week I already booked for a shoot.
Its still uncertain that i am able to go for the shoot tooo...

for the time being, i do not want to make empty promises. Sorry but i will have toreject all invites for shoot till i think i settled/calmed down.

2 weeks ago. 5th of Jun 2010.
I was at the hospital, told that my dad will pass on that nite or 06th Jun 2010 night.

But its all lies. on 12.39pm that day.
The doctor came to me and told me my dad's expired.
I wonder why of all words, he picked expired. MY DAD is not a product, he is a great man, I AM HIS LIVING PROOF.

and today's sky is as cloudy as usual.



GUESS I'M not ready for any events soon. I already have to backlog with Crestryn.

the recent skies are always cloudy. like my mood.

today is my dad's 二七。

My mum and I went back to work too.

For me, health has been a issue. Thursday I went to the doctor and was given some normal medication, and 2 days MC, no checks will done on me.

I wonder since when onwards, our medical staff have gained the ability to diagnose patients by just looking.

160610

170610

180610

I nearly fainted last night due to not enough sleep and I'm already unwell for this two weeks.

Thanks to those who came to my dad's wake. My secondary school mates, photographerfriends, sgcafe and most importantly my relatives from Malaysia who came down to give me their support. Without them, I couldn't imagine how my mum and I can manage.

Alot of thoughts are running through me now, alot of memories, including the bad ones. I am basically bloated, and confused.

Everything happened too sudden. How would I accept that fact my dad have left my mum and me. I am trying to control my tears when I'm typing this, but NO, its running like a fountain. I will cry now, because its the only time I can. I can't do itin front of my mum.

In less than 12hours, everything will be over. Ash collection is on tomorrow morning. I am sitting on the spot that I received him at the wake now.

Time is moving slow, but its flashing fast.